"We seem to always care more about what others think of us to the extent where we are not truly what they are seeing, rather just a creation of who they want us to be"
Our minds are strange...They're complex, which is what makes them strange I suppose, but the working of a human mind is so very difficult to grasp yet...it's sometimes quite simple. Perception is also strange, the entirety of humanity could be listening to the greatest music score created in all of history, and yet there will still be some that will have a complete distaste for it, not because the music is bad, but because the way they perceive the music is different.
Everyone is different, I've talked about that before, but the frequency and magnitude at which someone's perception can change are crucial. The environment and people we are surrounded by can effectively influence our perception of the world at any given moment. Of course not always, it is possible to resist against this influence with enough determination to hold on to a certain type of view, but usually, it changes quite often. To give an example, a person that is quite introverted, when put around the correct people will eventually become the opposite, not because something has changed in them, but just because now they perceive the world as something that is not to be feared. It works similarly for other things as well, but it's important to note that this depends on the specific person and the specific environment. I've said this before as well, one cannot change no matter how much they are influenced if they are not WILLING to change. Some have perceptions that are set in stone while others are more fluid; both can choose to let themselves change, but some simply don't.
I know what it's like to be insecure. To see yourself and see a mistake, something that should not exist upon this world. To feel so out of place in your own body that you can barely gather the strength to walk out of your room every morning. To be so afraid of what others think of me to an extent where I stopped being afraid of who I was becoming in the process. We become shells, vessels for the expectations of others, we turn hollow within but decorate ourselves externally to please the world and it drains you...Life is siphoned out of you every time you choose to restrict yourself, change yourself, transform yourself into what you believe is the image that others expect of you. To satisfy what you think will keep you safe, you give away your energy, until there's nothing left, and you're you no longer.
It's not something we choose to do, right? Our minds are made a certain way and it would be quite difficult not to be insecure if you were brought up a certain way or if the trait was simply in your genetic makeup. However, it is not impossible, I KNOW that it's something that can be done...because I've done it. If there's anyone out there that thinks that dragging oneself out of the pit of insecurity is not possible, then I can use my past as living proof that it is not the case. You may need help, you may need to believe more than you ever thought possible, but I assure you, it will not go to waste. Just like a computer system can be recalibrated to work a certain way, so can our minds, but unlike a machine, we need to love our mind, we need to treat it with kindness. Most or one of the most important factors is belief. You NEED to be able to believe that it can happen. I said earlier that people that can change but are not willing to, it works similarly. In your mind, if you don't believe that you can get out of this mindset, which is pretty much a loop at this point, then it can't happen. I call it a loop because it's extremely difficult to BELIEVE when you are insecure. But all it takes is one glimmer, one small crack in that wall and your belief will flood back like an ocean that has been trapped behind a small door for its entire existence.
So that's all I ask, to try...to try and believe even slightly that you can be better than what you think you can be, to aim further than you think is in your capacity, to love yourself just as you love the people around you. Weakness is an illusion...so is strength, everything is in our minds, and we command our mind, but only if we stop our mind from controlling us first.
“Weaklings will stay weak forever. But weakness is not evil, since human beings are weak creatures to begin with. Alone, you feel nothing but insecurity; that’s why we form guilds, that’s why we have friends. We walk together in order to live a strong life. The clumsy ones will walk into more walls than the others, and it may also take them longer to get there. If you believe in tomorrow and put yourself out there, you can naturally obtain your strength. That’s how you will be able to smile and live strong.”- Hiro Mashima
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